I went to Easter Mass.

I visited my family this past weekend and attended Catholic Mass with them, just as I did every Sunday for the majority of my life. When I moved out on my own, I dutifully joined a Catholic church. I joined the choir, just as I had at my family's church. And I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand the conservative political propaganda the choir members fervently believed. I couldn't stand the prayers for "traditional marriage" or the prayers for making abortion illegal. I couldn't stand the despair my fellow Catholics proclaimed when Obama was elected. I couldn't stand that I felt I had to hide who I voted for or what my personal beliefs and values really included.

I've toyed with trying to find a more liberal congregation, or no congregation, and I've found a Unitarian church that I may try out. But this Easter service was the first Mass I've been to in quite some time.

It was easy to attend. I didn't feel out of place. I sang the songs and chanted the responses. And also with you. Only say the word and my soul will be healed. I believe in One God, the Father Almighty. In that environment, it's hard to think critically about the sermon or the dogma.  Just comfortably slide in to what you've always done. Toss a five dollar bill in the collection basket. Lord, hear our prayer. Everyone else is doing it.

Something the priest said in the homily stuck with me, but not for the reason he intended.

"Do not ignore the truth. Seek it, even when all around you have forsaken it."

Of course, he meant the truth of Christ, and salvation, and the resurrection. But I looked around at all the people just assuming that his words were true. I hope he's right and we do seek the truth. I hope we don't just take what's comfortable and easy and common, just because it's what we've always done.

Welcome (and a few thoughts on labels)

Despite its title, this is not a blog about proverbs, or the Bible. This is a blog about me.

Religious belief, for being a supposedly personal affair, demands labels and categories, which I've always found difficult. I have called myself many things, many labels that fit for a time, and then didn't: Catholic, Christian, non-denominational, spiritual, believer.  For some time, my Facebook "religious beliefs" defined me as "liberal catholic Christian," with a intentionally small-case catholic c.*  I was, and am, proud of my both my liberal political views and Catholic heritage, yet anxious for acceptance by my evangelical Christian friends who frowned upon capital-C Catholicism.

Unfortunately, this wishy-washiness did not go unnoticed by any of the people whose approval I sought, and it didn't work for me either. At some point, I quietly removed my religious views from my Facebook page. I still went to church, still played in the worship band, still professed my faith. But the labels nagged at me, so I removed them completely. And that's how it remains.

All my life, I've been afraid to say what I think on the topic of faith and Christianity, and afraid to ask questions. Some of the things I wonder are considered better left unsaid, at least in the circles of which I've always been a part.

I don't have any promises for this blog. I don't know if anyone will read it. I don't promise to have some big religious conversion, or to commit to any great new belief system. I will not become an evangelical atheist, the likes of Richard Dawkins or Sam Harris. I will not become a nun, like several of my aunts have done, or even like my best friends, who are strong, happy, unquestioning Christians. But for the first time, I am going to say exactly what I think, no matter how offensive, confused, or label-free it might be.

*"Catholic" (capital C) refers specifically to the Roman Catholic Church, while "catholic" (small-case c) means "universal," and refers to Christ's intended inclusion of believers all over the world, regardless of race, class, ethnicity, nationality, etc. This article on Catholic Exchange provides a thorough discussion of the topic.

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